When it comes to Domestic Violence be prepared to STOP the blame game and find a solution.

The debate about who is responsible for domestic violence go round and round in a circular argument. I am becoming increasingly frustrated by this talk because all the time we are caught playing the blame game we are focusing on the argument, not the solution. So, I want to try something new, let’s – at least for the amount of time it takes to read this article – concentrate on the things we can agree on when it comes to domestic violence.

Merely pointing the finger of blame is not a solution

Pointing the finger of blame at segments of society, whether it be men, women, the poor and disenfranchised, indigenous people or any other culturally isolated population has not worked and will never work. Statistics will show the demographics most at risk and they are indisputable but that is information about what is happening, not how we find a solution.

It is a pointless and endless argument

For there to be any hope of a true and lasting solution to domestic violence we must put our need to be right and recognised as the victim aside and come together. It has too often become the norm when speaking about domestic violence to protect one segment of society by blaming another, all this does is keep the pointless, destructive circular argument going.

Not the next generation, not on our watch

Finding common ground doesn’t mean we are agreeing that our hurt is not real or that we have not been wronged it is merely a case of standing up and saying ‘Not the next generation, not on my watch’ because all the time we are stuck in this endless argument a solution will continue to elude us.

If all you see is a victim/survivor, please look again

I know from personal experience it is hard to step away from the wounded victim/survivor role. The only way out of a cycle of generational domestic violence and child abuse was to stand up and say ‘Maybe this is not my fault but the buck stops here’ So I lifted myself above my story of abuse and lead the way in becoming part of the solution for my young family and now on a bigger stage.

We can do better!

So, please can we agree that domestic violence is complex and complicated issue. No one answer fits all. Lets stop looking for an argument and come together to find a solution. At the core of this issue are outdated beliefs, misunderstandings and generation after generation who didn’t know better. We know better now, so lets act on it. Because the next generation is depending on us to come together and simply do better.