Toxic behaviours are confusing and hard to recognise. It feels isolating and difficult to pinpoint the true toxic personality. This is exacerbated by a toxic colleague recruiting other colleagues to work with them to undermine and destabilise your leadership.
Why are they called flying monkeys
This term is taken from The Wizard of Oz. The monkeys had no reason to attack Dorothy except for the fact they were told to. This is the same with the narcissists Flying Monkeys. They will be fed lies about you and they will be manipulated with the coercive tactics they use on their main target.
Flying Monkeys are a Tool
Flying monkeys are to the toxic person just another tool they use to destabilise teams and create havoc. To them it is like a game of chess skillfully moving pieces around the board to gain the outcome they desire. They are often so masterful at it nobody even knows they are being played by the narcissist. Some Flying Monkeys suspect but participate anyway.
How do you recognise flying monkeys?
It is not easy, but it can be done. It is important to keep perspective and know for them it feels personal but it is not. Follow these three tips to see who the Flying Monkeys are:
- They will always side with the narcissistic personality no mater the situation.
- They will Gaslight and manipulate you to ensure the outcome the narcissist desires.
- They will lie and spread negative gossip about you at the bidding of the narcissist.
How do you deal with flying monkeys?
There are strategies you can use, obviously their behaviour is part of a bigger pattern of behaviours used by the narcissist. A good place to start is:
- Do not give them an emotional reaction about the narcissist’s behaviour. Be your normal empathic self around them. The more you react the more the narcissist has to work with. Give it time.
- The narcissist is spewing their vitriol and lies about you to the flying monkeys, you know this. Don’t fight back. Don’t react at all. Give them no oxygen.
- When you have information or instructions to share. Ensure, you do it directly to the person/s you need to. So there is no miscommunication. If the narcissist doesn’t need to know don’t include them. Divide and conquer.
Dealing with these behaviours is exhausting:
- Resist listening to your inner critic.
- Take time for self-care. You deserve to look after yourself.
- Talk to someone you are sure you can trust.
- Remember you are being purposely manipulated. You are not going crazy!
