I thought they were being supportive! I had no idea that they were purposely undermining me. I always blamed myself for things being out of sync. So, I tried harder and tirelessly worked to become what I thought they wanted. My thoughts were consumed with how I could get things on track. The harder I tried the worse it got.
It just kept getting worse
No matter what I did I always felt like I was failing. It undermined my confidence until I felt unmotivated and that I was failing in the career I had always thrived in and enjoyed.
I was being isolated from my support network
Once they told me, after we had attended a work party, that all my friends said I talk too much and am always the centre of attention and sometimes they wish I wouldn’t turn up. This made me lose faith in myself and trust in my friends. But it was all said as if they wanted the best for me and were trying to look after me.
They were undermining and controlling me
When in truth they were undermining and controlling me. Isolating me from my support network by breaking my trust in them…
I found out much later, that they were subtlely undermining me to my friends and slowly but surely I started seeing less and less of them.
These coercive tactics are confusing and created a situation where I turn negative thoughts on myself.
Stories like this play out repeatedly in workplaces, with people being undermined, disrespected, and having their ideas stolen or blocked. But it is all done covertly so it is:
1, It is hard to understand what is happening
2, Difficult to report because of this lack of understanding
3, Creates a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem
On top of this, the narcissistic personality (aka the bully) can often pit enlist colleagues against the target of their abuse without them being aware that they are also being played.
Being Coercively Bullied is psychologically damaging
Being coercively bullied has a detrimental effect on mental health and well-being. The bully keeps moving the goalpost and leaves their target unable to trust or validate their own experience.
I didn’t know!
This brings me back to my wish. If I had known they were a narcissist and I was a target of their bullying and mind games. I would not have blamed myself and built my knowledge and confidence to navigate and deal with them.
But I can teach you!
What you see is often not what you get with a Narcissistic Personality. Often the person you know isn’t the same person they show others. They live to win and if that means you lose – they don’t care
Now my passion is to teach others about what I call The Narcissist Effect. Because psychological safety in the workplace is everybody’s right!
It changes the game if you can see behind the narcissist’s mask!
Do you want to gain some insight into whether you are dealing with a narcissist in the workplace?
